Listen to me, your body is NOT a temple. Temples can be destroyed and desecrated. Your body is a forest- thick canopies of maple trees and sweet scented wild flowers sprouting in the underwood. You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated. Your body is a forest.
Sometimes Aaron will just randomly, seemingly out of no where, tell me he loves me. I always ask why, because I wonder what I did or what happened that made him happy, and today his response was “because you are my partner in life, you’ve got my back and I love you very deeply”
So. Ridiculously. In. Love.
I might not be able to have kids one day and that to me is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen. Ever. Of all time.
I can 100% get engaged, married, be in love, travel the world, own a million dogs and cats- but none of that means anything to me if I’m unable to be a mom.
The worst part is that my best friends all have kids or are on their second kids and their families are expanding while this knot continuously grows in my stomach and I realize I might never feel the bond between a mother and her child.
I’m very broken and yet capable of gluing all of those pieces together to put up a strong front.
Having that much control over my mind and body is both reassuring and petrifying because people are unable to see me as myself, but instead they view me as this pillar of strength to lean upon.
Sometimes I can barely hold myself upright,
Please don’t let me fall,
I am great at orgasms.
I am great in the sense that I can have them and my legs go weak and my arms go numb and I feel this overwhelming joy.
I am great at orgasms.
But, nothing feels better than your skin against mine, wrapped up in each other and our covers, tangled into this big heap if US and my knees go weak. My arms are limp. Every muscle in my body contracts before it relaxes and I become this fragile person that I cannot be with anyone else.
I am fucking awesome at giving myself orgasms.
But NOTHING feels as good as our bodies pressed together in the middle of the night or the break of dawn.
You complete me. You make me whole.
Once you have been in a relationship for a while, it is easy forget the loneliness that used to make your skin ache, yearning to be held close by someone who loved you.
And sometimes, once you have been in a relationship for a while, you fail to remember the feeling of NOT being loved at all. That emptiness.
You take for granted the happiness in your life and you seek excitement in other things and people and dreams (and alcohol and bars and newly 21 year old life, if you’re anything like me).
I have pulled away from you so many times and I am so sorry. You always fight back for me and I am so appreciative of that.
You are my strongest half.
I was so alone and broken before you and you took my pieces and helped me become this beautiful, independent young woman.
I’m forever yours. Thank you for giving me room to breathe when I most desperately needed it and for knowing exactly when and how to reel me back in.
My man doesn’t have a phone because Sprint has his iPhone 6 on back order.. And that means when he’s out with friends all night that there’s no way to contact him. AND I’ve been watching AHS so I’m freaked out.
In case no one told you today: you are a marvellous piece of the universe and this planet needs you on it.